Monthly Archives: March 2014

#62: Again

There continues to be life and joy in the Jonas household! This August we will welcome the final addition to the family. Molly will become a big sister and Benjamin will become an even bigger brother. It is so amazing, it takes my breath away.

We had a miscarriage in November 2013. It was about 8 weeks into the pregnancy and I was genuinely shocked that bad things could still happen. After everything we went through with losing Alex, I thought we would be impervious to any sort of tragedy with our kids. I thought we had paid our penance early, and that Alex’s death had ensured that our kids would have a happy and charmed childhood forever.

The miscarriage changed all that. I prayed for peace. I prayed for acceptance. Most of all, I started to abandon the idea of having any more kids. I had gotten a glimpse of what life with three kids on earth would be like. I had started to imagine bunk beds and mini vans and a bassinet, and then we lost the baby. I didn’t think I could open myself up to that type of disappointment again.

Enter God and another one of his special miracles meant just for us. We conceived this baby the week of December 8th. Just 2 weeks after our miscarriage. Shock. Faith. Awe.

Is that medically possible?!?

It doesn’t matter. God is good. So good to bless us with another child here on earth. I am humbled and amazed and completely dumbfounded by his grace and the blessings he heaps upon our family. As we mourned the loss of a child we never met, we were already growing a new life. Silently. Secretly.

I didn’t realize I was pregnant until I was 9 or 10 weeks along. I was already farther along with the new pregnancy than I had gotten with the previous pregnancy that we lost. Amazing. Not only did He give us a very special life to protect, but he took away the fear and anxiety we would have had if we had realized we were pregnant just 4 or 5 weeks along.

I know that every child is a miracle. I am just so amazed by this baby we didn’t think we could have. I thought about how long we would wait to have a baby… how long we would “try” for, and how long until we just gave up. God had other plans for us.

It is so humbling and gratifying to have a miracle given to you. I know there will be hard times raising three young kids, but I am so over the top grateful to be given these blessings.

To all the parents out there, I know life is hard. There are sippy cups to fill, mittens to find and there is never enough time for a bath. Just remember that things can always be worse. In the hours, weeks, months that piled up after Alex died, I remember the quiet that fell over the house. No noise from a baby. No bottles to wash, no diapers to change. I had plenty of time to myself and I had never been more miserable in my entire life.

I try to celebrate and remember that every task that comes with raising these crazy kids. I am humbled and excited to do it all over again.


Posted by on March 31, 2014 in Uncategorized