#50: In Place

01 Mar

Molly turned 9 months today. We took her to the doctor and she is off the charts for height and weight. A happy, healthy, beautiful baby girl. Amazing!

There was a time when I feared she wouldn’t reach the milestones that Alex did. I feared that she would leave us abruptly, just like Alex. That we would be left to pick up the pieces of her brief time on earth. As Molly got older, I would lament the fact that she was doing things that Alex never did. That she was getting bigger, sitting up, rolling over, and Alex never got past the stage where he loved to nurse and would fall asleep in my arms.

Fast forward to my crazy, roly-poly girl. She’s so giggly and funny. She loves to eat… she adores Benjamin and she has been such a beautiful blessing for our family.

Things feel as they should.

I still love Alex. I miss him and I think about him, but it feels like things have settled into a place where they belong. Alex was here long enough to show us the joy of two children and to remind us to cherish all the special moments we have with them. He wasn’t here long enough that I can hear his voice in my mind. He wasn’t here so long that I would be haunted by the sound of his footsteps as he ran into my arms. He was and remains, a brief blessing that we will never forget.

Molly is here to stay. The more I realize that, and believe it in my heart, the more I enjoy her. I love to feel her sticky hands run through my hair and have her two silly teeth gum at my legs whenever she crawls up to me. I cherish all of her sweet moments and I feel so blessed as she hits milestones her brother never obtained.

We’re about to embark on a family trip to Mexico and I’m excited to show my baby girl the world! I don’t complain about the lines at TSA and I don’t freak out about the possibility that she might cry on the plane. I have two wonderful children to love and soothe whether they sleep, scream or snuggle. I’ll be there, cherishing all the memories we are making as a family. I don’t feel like I’m counting down the time we have left. I feel like I’m building up all the time we have together,

It feels different. Nice.

I know that life isn’t going to be perfect from here on out. There will be lots of trials and tribulations in our future, I’m sure. The good news is that I can see the sun shining behind my rainbow baby and I can feel the heat warm my soul. Alex is where he was meant to be and my arms on earth are filled with life. Once again the fullness of life outweighs the emptiness of death and I am humbled with gratitude. God bless.

1 Comment

Posted by on March 1, 2013 in Uncategorized


One response to “#50: In Place

  1. marilynne johnson

    March 1, 2013 at 9:59 pm

    God is with you and your beautiful family my loveley daughter time is precious and mom and dad grandma and grandpa love you and your family always and will be here for you:) love you


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