I am a very practical person. With the exception of my husband, anyone else would tell you I am frugal, thrifty and practical. That means clipping coupons, shopping sales and keeping just about everything “just in case.” There’s nothing I love more than pulling something out of the basement to re-use it, when Ben wanted to throw it away several years before.
When I found out we were having a girl, I was over the top with wanting to buy pink stuff, but also reasonable. I figured that we would be able to re-use pajamas, plain onesies, socks, blankets, etc.
Over the weekend I started to organize the nursery a little bit more and I just can’t do it. I can’t reuse the boy things that were meant for Alex. I don’t need to keep them locked up as a shrine, but I can’t reuse the blue burp cloths, or the blue pacifiers. They’re a constant visual reminder of the little baby boy that didn’t get to use those things.
I’m not being dramatic. I’m not going to throw out the crib, the rocker, the car seats, anything Alex ever touched. I just can’t bear the thought of having a nursery filled with blue. It’s too sad. It reminds me of the sweet little boy that doesn’t live there anymore.
There is so much in there that I have to change. Every little speck of blue is just a memory of a little baby that lives in Heaven. I can smile that he’s there, but I still cry that he’s gone. I miss him. Every day. There are days that I am stronger than others. There are days when all I want to do is look at pictures of my sweet little boy.
So, what does all this mean? It has to be pink. Every little thing this precious baby touches needs to be pink. Pink onesies, pink pacifiers, pink burp cloths, pink toiletries, pink sheets, pink changing table cover, pink everything!
There may come a time when I can use some of the blue stuff and not mourn the loss of Alex. For now, I am grateful for the new baby coming to join our family, and I am determined that there will be nothing sad, or blue to take away from her arrival.