#32: A Vision

24 Jan

Shortly after Alex died, I had a dream. A pretty ordinary dream about getting my kids ready for daycare. But instead of Benjamin and Alex, it was Benjamin and a little girl. I remember zipping up a brown coat on this little girl and telling her that the coat used to belong to her big brother, Alex. I also remember telling her not to worry, because girls wore brown too!

This was a time when the loss of Alex was fresh, and the scars of his absence were raw. I could hardly imagine a life without him. This dream gave me new hope, and enabled me to think of a time when our family would go on.

At this time, I wasn’t even sure if we could get pregnant again, I didn’t know if it was possible. And I was pretty sure that we were destined to have another boy if we did get pregnant again. Flash forward to today. I am 20 weeks exactly, and I am carrying a girl.


I am so excited to be bringing a girl into our family. Not that I wouldn’t welcome whatever God gave us, but I’ve already had two perfect sons, one of them an angel. I am ready for a girl.

A girl is something different for us and for our family. New clothes, new blankets, new memories. A girl enables me to preserve all of the memories I have of Alex, but make room in my heart for a new bundle of joy.

I’ve already been humbled by the miracle in my womb. A surprise baby I was so eager to have… now I am humbled by the miracle of this dream. A dream that comes true is a vision, a gift from God. I remember asking my pastor, how do you know if a dream is a vision? His answer? Time.

Enough time has passed to prove that God had granted me a vision, and for that I will always be thankful. I am so in awe of His power and so grateful for His love and blessings in my life.

One last detail- in the dream, I looked at a photo of our family to see how many children we had- we had three children on Earth. I wonder if that’s the next chapter we have to look forward to…


Posted by on January 24, 2012 in Uncategorized


2 responses to “#32: A Vision

  1. mike

    January 25, 2012 at 8:03 am

    A great insight in what GOd is doing for you. I love your faith, trust in your higher power, and your patience. I believe you will receive what you have dreamed about, but remember sometimes we serve a GOD of surprises…so I was told if you want GOD to laugh, tell Him your plans..Love ya

  2. Melanie

    January 31, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    That is amazing. What a blessing.

    I hope you keep that brown coat. Forever and ever.


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