Shortly after Alex died, I had a dream. A pretty ordinary dream about getting my kids ready for daycare. But instead of Benjamin and Alex, it was Benjamin and a little girl. I remember zipping up a brown coat on this little girl and telling her that the coat used to belong to her big brother, Alex. I also remember telling her not to worry, because girls wore brown too!
This was a time when the loss of Alex was fresh, and the scars of his absence were raw. I could hardly imagine a life without him. This dream gave me new hope, and enabled me to think of a time when our family would go on.
At this time, I wasn’t even sure if we could get pregnant again, I didn’t know if it was possible. And I was pretty sure that we were destined to have another boy if we did get pregnant again. Flash forward to today. I am 20 weeks exactly, and I am carrying a girl.
I am so excited to be bringing a girl into our family. Not that I wouldn’t welcome whatever God gave us, but I’ve already had two perfect sons, one of them an angel. I am ready for a girl.
A girl is something different for us and for our family. New clothes, new blankets, new memories. A girl enables me to preserve all of the memories I have of Alex, but make room in my heart for a new bundle of joy.
I’ve already been humbled by the miracle in my womb. A surprise baby I was so eager to have… now I am humbled by the miracle of this dream. A dream that comes true is a vision, a gift from God. I remember asking my pastor, how do you know if a dream is a vision? His answer? Time.
Enough time has passed to prove that God had granted me a vision, and for that I will always be thankful. I am so in awe of His power and so grateful for His love and blessings in my life.
One last detail- in the dream, I looked at a photo of our family to see how many children we had- we had three children on Earth. I wonder if that’s the next chapter we have to look forward to…